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Terceira Island, Portugal

The thoughts and lessons presented through the tender land that sculpted generations of my being.

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Saliva Bandages 09.15.18

I traveled the world to manifest

autonomy from you

I cut my hair

Tattooed my skin

Cut open my ears

But you were there

I traveled the world in search of independence

Blistered heels, bloody soles

I remolded and reshaped

My spine in two

I bent backwards in search of

All that was left, even lost in you

But you were there

I said my name twice, three times,

In my mirror,

The reflections of the passing cars

Calling it the way I was told

I kissed strangers in the dark

Sweaty bodies untangling as I retract

into the past


To never be what was

Where did my self control go

It ceased my body the moment you entered

The plants in me they whisper your name

Gardens cultivated from separation

Tilling soil, water the seeds,

Gentle besos on the wounds that

open again

But you weren’t there

To mend the cuts

the wreckage of a plane

Bandages made of saliva

Coma for 8 days

Island fever take me home.

But you weren’t there

Boys don’t cry, they move forward

They forget

Gentle reminders inform the news

You weren’t there.

 
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08.20.18

I feel my ancestors everywhere

Do they giggle at my mistakes

Take pride in my successes

I feel them in the sun

The way it touches my skin

The more gold I turn the more I’m like them

I find comfort in the clothes lines

White floral patterns gently moving with the wind

In the way the oceans brings goose bumps

The salt dried on my chest

I wonder if the abandoned buildings were open

When great grandpa walked this land

The suppression of my depression

In solitude who to express this to.

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Drivers 08.26.18

The cars around here move like me

The cars are me

Cut corners and edges

Drivers staring at me

They look at my hair, my eyes, my nose

They giggle at my pants, the way I lift my feet

“American” they must think

“Different” I think

They drive past

Continuing on their route

The sounds of their engines

“put put cars” mama would say

Lifting them across the earth

Across this island

They’re fast in action but slow in tendency

Corners evoking slugs

Sliding past one another,

Accelerating at the finish

Our lives are accelerated

The movements of our bodies

Of our actions and decisions

Quick, seemingly never ending

Then the least apprehensive

Yet the corners

Life feels still

A fear resonates with the movement

Slow, deep breaths

My heart beats fast

Slow, deep breaths

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